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Reflections of Infertility Today

I originally wrote this in response to a prompt from Monica Bivas, who is a Mindset and Holistic Fertility Coach; she graciously featured me on her blog last month. Because the words are so timely for me now, I wanted to post it here for you, reader. You can find other stories of Infertility Warriors featured from Monica's This Is IVF series at her blog.

This Is IVF: Strength, Vulnerability, & Love

IVF is not an easy road. It is not the easy way out. It’s also not financially feasible for many people. When I made the decision to pursue IVF, my husband and I had been living with Unexplained Infertility for at least two years. And we were trying to conceive almost another two before that. We had experienced failed IUI’s, already made many lifestyle modifications in an attempt to get pregnant, and had all but surrendered the dream of conceiving naturally. We argued back and forth and weighed all the options available to us. I was starting to really consider adoption when I realized that pregnancy was what I longed for. I wanted to do what I believed my female body had been created to do. I wanted to see my husband’s features in a child. There was this huge wave of emotion for almost two years. Huge sweeping life changes. So much so that when we elected to pursue IVF, I was the healthiest I had ever been, both mentally and physically. In a way, I’m thankful for walking the road the way we did because I believe it played a part in our success story.

In August of 2019, I published my first blog post entitled “A Story of Infertility and Wellness, Too.” My husband and I were in the midst of our IVF journey, and I felt compelled to share my story of infertility with family, friends, total strangers, and really anyone who would read it. In that post, I wrote “I take-away from this arduous journey [is that] untapped strength can be found, vulnerability is necessary, and love will always win.” For me, IVF is all those things. It is the strength required to endure, the vulnerability needed to accept the things that are out of your control, and the love for yourself and others that ultimately breeds faith in what might be.

Today, thanks to IVF, I am a mother to a beautiful baby girl. Looking back I feel profoundly lucky to say that. There are no guarantees of success in IVF. You are constantly reminded of that in every clinic visit. Nature has its way of rendering the procedure an inexact, statistical probability. I’m reminded of that when I catch my daughter smiling at her daddy, or discovering a new toy, or finding her balance, knowing she was our only viable embryo. I hope that I can impart the same virtues on her, and her life, that brought me to meet her.

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